Lightning Doesn't Strike Twice

I trust that you have had time to recover from the shock of seeing the full force of Branch's love from himself. I've never spent more time gagging while setting up poses than I did for the Branch lovin.

Now, back to our experiment. When I left you last time, I showed you that we were going to have a new member in the facility. I mean, who wouldn't want to bring a new life into this place:


After 3 days of the worst case of constipation ever, Branch decided to lube up and squeeze our new member out.

Background Branch: "Oh god! What the fuck are you doing? You can't shit in the dining room!"

"How'd you manage to wrap your turd in a blanket?"





Welcome to the world, baby Branch! Don't worry, due to a lack of an OMGWTFBBQ for TS3, the Branch burrito will have to wait until he is older to be tortured.

Also note the rare moment where all of the Branches are reasonably happy.

We can't have that shit.

So with all the joy of a new babby in the facility, it got me thinking about the other side of this "circle of life." It's all about balance, so somebody must die.

Welcome to the Pen of Enlightenment. As always, our subject is Branch Timbley. He's already pissing and moaning about being hungry, but he shouldn't worry about starving to death. However, I do think he should get out his umbrella to take shelter from the pouring rain. 

Much better! Try to ignore the giant scorch mark at his feet. We'll just pretend that I didn't already try to zap him a few times with debug enabler.

After flailing around with triggering lightning strikes on the ground, I finally figured out how to hone in on my target. YAHTZEE!

SON OF A BITCH! Three strikes later and he is still standing there taunting me. Why won't this fucker die?

*tries again* VICTORY WILL BE MINE! (Apparently this is all I could capture of him being lit up with electricity.) Damn shame. And he's still standing.... *engage rage-mode*

 *tries one more time* HA! This isn't really what I planned, but I'll take a fire death.

Burn, Branch, burn!

Are you fucking kidding me? Apparently the rain extinguished him. If he thinks he's walking out of this pen alive just because he managed to escape 8 lightning strikes, he doesn't know his sim god very well.

 *engage lightning strike spam* Oooh this looks promising.

 Yes....

 YESSSS

YEEEESSSSSSSS!! Did you really think you could escape my clutches so easily?

 Grim showed up promptly to retrieve his hefty prize. I was starting to assume that he would be getting sick of coming to this lot, but it seems that he approves:

Even Grim thinks it is awesome when you die, Branch.

Considering how often Grim is bound to show up at the facility, I think it's time we get to know him a little better.

He'll steal your shit, forget to collect the bodies, but he'll probably clean up after himself. Still more likeable than Branch.

What does it say about you when Death gets a boner while collecting your body? I think I should have sent some lube with dead Branch.

Prison Rules

Following the death of Branch from the diabeetus, the facility fell into a depressed funk. The Branches were suddenly aware that this foreboding estate was not just any old lot, and their future was getting more uncertain by the moment. They spent their days and nights mourning the passing of their clone, while feeling that their sim god had forsaken them.

No, Branch, I haven't forsaken you. I fucking hate you.

To fully express the depth of my feeling for Branch, I built him a new structure in the back of the lot.

I call this "The Room of Abundance." It should be abundantly clear that your days are numbered if you find yourself here. 

The truly inspired idea of leaving the fridge in plain sight but blocked can be attributed to BLOODIEDHELL. She's disturbingly creative when it comes to making torture scenarios worse.  Also, like the bars in the main windows, the bench comes from lisen's jail set. I'm not sure I've ever gotten more use out of a single set of CC.

Back to our experiment! Oddly enough, I've never allowed a sim to starve to death the old fashioned way in TS3. I'm generally too impatient, and I just drag their hunger bar all the way down to get it over with, but that seemed far too easy for Branch. Admittedly, the room is pretty comfortable in spite of the lack of food. He has a couch to nap on, a working toilet, and I even allowed him to keep the book he had crammed up his ass. So I picked my Branch at random, and I teleported him into the room (can't risk adding a door).

 Immediately on landing, he looked horrified at his new circumstances. A cackled with delight as the terror registered on his face. With only 14 hours remaining on his hunger timer (why didn't you feed your self when you had a chance, tubby), I wandered off to check on the other Branches. I was shocked to find that they were doing...

 Abso-fucking-lutely nothing. Their grief kept them from doing anything of any value for days. They wandered around sobbing, peeing on the floor, and licking dirty plates, but they did nothing of any interest. As much as their misery delighted me, it's not particularly compelling material.

At one point, everyone was in the red. That gave me the fiendishly delighted moodlet for a bit, but it still wasn't enough to keep my attention. I hit fast forward, wandered away to get a snack, shaved my cat, watched a 6 hour art house movie, drove to Canada, and read War and Peace while waiting for them to get their shit together. I got back in time to see that I had 32 minutes left on the starvation timer. I gleefully yanked my camera over and started taking pictures.

Any minute now...any minute...

 Branch threw one more tantrum over being unable to reach the fridge before his timer expired. I cackled wildly, waiting for the moment. 

Suddenly, he started to sway...

YES! YES! YES! Here we go!

Wait...Why is he snoring? Where is the 'expire' thingy? At that moment, the sim god's questions were answered as a second timer started. Branch has 24 more hours before he starves to death.

This fucking guy.

While I settled in to wait for the next 24 hours to pass, I decided to watch the rest of the boring Branches, and I discovered treachery afoot.

MOTHERFUCKER! No wonder the cow plant hasn't put out its cake tongue. These little shits have been feeding it behind my back. I promptly moved the plant to a sealed room next to The Room of Abundance. That should solve things.

While we wait for Branch to die, let's take a look at the continuing disintegration of the facility.

The dining area has grown far more disgusting than I would have ever imagined. Yet Branch continues to plop down here to eat his food. I noticed him making faces while he ate, and I realized that he was alternating between eating and trying to catch flies with his tongue. 

Oh...

Oh god...

What are you doing, man?

Resisting the powerful urge to bulldoze the whole facility at that very moment, I decided to drink some antacid and soldier on. The BTMCBF must continue. 

Upon leaving the hell that is the dining facility, I discovered something far more interesting in the yard:

Could it be love? Or would that be self-love? Are we watching Branch masturbate again?

My head hurts just considering this affair. I'll deal with this nonsense in the next post. Let's get back to the slaughter. 

 His timer is up. He's starting to stumble but I'm not sure if it is simply because of his continued mourning for Branch.

 Well, would you look at that. It appears that his this is the final timer.

 Grim: "Again? Really?" Yes, Grim. I'll get you a back brace for your next visit. You should thank me for the added job security.

 What is this? Branch is actually thin!! Perhaps The Room of Abundance is the best thing that ever happened to him.

And our memorial continues to grow...

Next post: We get to the BF of the BTMCBF

Prepare your vomit bags.

A Bit Pekish

Following the death of Branch from the diabeetus, the facility fell into a depressed funk. The Branches were suddenly aware that this foreboding estate was not just any old lot, and their future was getting more uncertain by the moment. They spent their days and nights mourning the passing of their clone, while feeling that their sim god had forsaken them.

No, Branch, I haven't forsaken you. I fucking hate you.

To fully express the depth of my feeling for Branch, I built him a new structure in the back of the lot.

I call this "The Room of Abundance." It should be abundantly clear that your days are numbered if you find yourself here. 

The truly inspired idea of leaving the fridge in plain sight but blocked can be attributed to BLOODIEDHELL. She's disturbingly creative when it comes to making torture scenarios worse.  Also, like the bars in the main windows, the bench comes from lisen's jail set. I'm not sure I've ever gotten more use out of a single set of CC.

Back to our experiment! Oddly enough, I've never allowed a sim to starve to death the old fashioned way in TS3. I'm generally too impatient, and I just drag their hunger bar all the way down to get it over with, but that seemed far too easy for Branch. Admittedly, the room is pretty comfortable in spite of the lack of food. He has a couch to nap on, a working toilet, and I even allowed him to keep the book he had crammed up his ass. So I picked my Branch at random, and I teleported him into the room (can't risk adding a door).

 Immediately on landing, he looked horrified at his new circumstances. A cackled with delight as the terror registered on his face. With only 14 hours remaining on his hunger timer (why didn't you feed your self when you had a chance, tubby), I wandered off to check on the other Branches. I was shocked to find that they were doing...

 Abso-fucking-lutely nothing. Their grief kept them from doing anything of any value for days. They wandered around sobbing, peeing on the floor, and licking dirty plates, but they did nothing of any interest. As much as their misery delighted me, it's not particularly compelling material.

At one point, everyone was in the red. That gave me the fiendishly delighted moodlet for a bit, but it still wasn't enough to keep my attention. I hit fast forward, wandered away to get a snack, shaved my cat, watched a 6 hour art house movie, drove to Canada, and read War and Peace while waiting for them to get their shit together. I got back in time to see that I had 32 minutes left on the starvation timer. I gleefully yanked my camera over and started taking pictures.

Any minute now...any minute...

 Branch threw one more tantrum over being unable to reach the fridge before his timer expired. I cackled wildly, waiting for the moment. 

Suddenly, he started to sway...

YES! YES! YES! Here we go!

Wait...Why is he snoring? Where is the 'expire' thingy? At that moment, the sim god's questions were answered as a second timer started. Branch has 24 more hours before he starves to death.

This fucking guy.

While I settled in to wait for the next 24 hours to pass, I decided to watch the rest of the boring Branches, and I discovered treachery afoot.

MOTHERFUCKER! No wonder the cow plant hasn't put out its cake tongue. These little shits have been feeding it behind my back. I promptly moved the plant to a sealed room next to The Room of Abundance. That should solve things.

While we wait for Branch to die, let's take a look at the continuing disintegration of the facility.

The dining area has grown far more disgusting than I would have ever imagined. Yet Branch continues to plop down here to eat his food. I noticed him making faces while he ate, and I realized that he was alternating between eating and trying to catch flies with his tongue. 

Oh...

Oh god...

What are you doing, man?

Resisting the powerful urge to bulldoze the whole facility at that very moment, I decided to drink some antacid and soldier on. The BTMCBF must continue. 

Upon leaving the hell that is the dining facility, I discovered something far more interesting in the yard:

Could it be love? Or would that be self-love? Are we watching Branch masturbate again?

My head hurts just considering this affair. I'll deal with this nonsense in the next post. Let's get back to the slaughter. 

 His timer is up. He's starting to stumble but I'm not sure if it is simply because of his continued mourning for Branch.

 Well, would you look at that. It appears that his this is the final timer.

 Grim: "Again? Really?" Yes, Grim. I'll get you a back brace for your next visit. You should thank me for the added job security.

 What is this? Branch is actually thin!! Perhaps The Room of Abundance is the best thing that ever happened to him.

And our memorial continues to grow...

Next post: We get to the BF of the BTMCBF

Prepare your vomit bags.